It’s been about a month since I finished Dragon Age Inquisition: Trespasser. I’m still a wee bit perturbed.

I wish there was an option for my Inquisitor Trevelyan to tell the Fereldens and Orlesians to go screw themselves. Yeah, I know she gets to lightweight snap and tell them she’ll save the world, again. But seriously, I would have died if she had flipped them the bird and yelled “good luck saving yourselves from Solas, you rotten bastards” as she sauntered out the front door.  Ooh, that would have made my day.

What Happened?

First of all, Orlais can suck it.

I’ve been ride-or-die with Ferelden for 3 games, 15 DLCs and an expansion pack -I didn’t play Leliana’s Song, The Darkspawn Chronicle or The Golems of Amgarrak. Damn, for someone that just got into the Dragon Age series about a year and a half ago, I sure have spent a nice piece of change on these games. Did I mention I’ve read all the books? You’re welcome, Bioware.

Anyhoo, Arl Teagan really had me second-guessing all the choices I made during the series. I mean come on, he had the gall to crawl up my inquisitor’s ass to bitch about the Inquisition that saved his sorry Podunk town. Who slithered out of Redcliffe with his tail between his legs and cried to Alistair? Not Inquisitor Trevelyan! Nope! She only walked in like the boss she is and saved the damn day.

Who saved Crestwood from the walking dead and bandits? It wasn’t Arl Teagan Guerrin’s bitch-ass. In two games that chump stood on the sidelines while someone saved his home. Let’s not forget the Hero of Ferelden went to Redcliffe looking to get assistance fighting the blight and ended up saving the town from the undead. What’s up with Ferelden and the undead?

“But Teagan it’s me! I’m the Hero of Ferel . . . oh wait, I’m Inquistor Trevelyan. Nevermind.”  My thoughts when he first yelled at my inquisitor.

Grrr . . . Teagan should be begging The Inquisition to stick around. When he should have been standing his ground against a crazy Tevinter magister, he backed down. He left his arling and his people defenseless to a bunch of lunatics. Luckily my inquisitor, being the hardcore, demon slaying, Venetori crushing, bad-ass she is, rides in doin’ her thang. A little lightning crackling here, an ice mine there, then flash fire. My inquisitor likes to see her enemies burn.

Thus, Redcliffe is saved. What does she get in return? A letter demanding reparations. Wait . . . What? And the letter had a lightweight threat to snitch to Alistair. At least that’s how I took it. Of course, the Inquisition gives in and starts reconstruction in Redcliffe. “Thanks for the save, guys. Now, could you foot the bill for the reconstruction?” Hmm, I wonder if the Inquisition threw in a new windmill.

In hindsight, it sucked that I felt obligated to assist with the reconstruction. It’s not like the Inquisition gave the rebel mages safe harbor in Redcliffe. That was the King of Ferelden. Nor did my Inquisitor Trevelyan set up an alliance with Tevinter. Maybe Teagan should redirect that anger. I know I would. Ha! Who am I kidding? I could never be mad at Alistair (or Fiona for that matter).

In the next game, I hope Solas goes straight to Redcliffe. It seems to be the weakest place in Thedas.

Quick question – Do you think as Teagan was creeping out of Redcliffe, he even once considered taking his emotionally distraught nephew? I mean he went to Alistair. I’m sure Connor would have been more than welcome.

Whatever! Teagan is an asshat. So is just about everyone in Orlais. I still love Alis . . . err Ferelden.

Hmm, this seemed more like Angry Rachele. Ah, what the hell! I was the one playing the game.  Maybe my Inquisitor Lavellan won’t be as angry. But there is Solas . . .yes, Solas. Now he’s a special can of worms.